So it’s 2012, so many things have changed. No changes that I actually took time to sit down and ‘discuss’. This is the year I’m meant to leave home [well early next year]. Still confused as to where I’m going. Writing exams soon so I have no time to sort out Visas so I think I might just go finish my levels in Cape Town. Anyhu, this is the year I might just see all the familiar faces for the last time, but thing is I’m not even keen on making plans with people.
In 2010, I could’ve recited the lyrics to Drake’s, now I have the people I need. I’m at a point where when I come back to Pretoria, my heart gets a little sad. Not ‘ag this is home’ sad, but sad as ‘why am I still here’. I wouldn’t be feeling this if it were last year. So many people I used to call mates annoy me, if this was last year, I’d stomach the shit & actually smile, I actually wouldn’t be fazed. The fact that I know that I’m leaving soon is making me feel so unsettled. This is the feeling I got when I got my first BlackBerry, I had gone through a couple of months without a phone [punishment for losing a phone. LOL]. I was so used to not having a phone, so content; not solace, but content, I didn’t need a phone until I got my BlackBerry. For some odd reason my BIS took about 25hours to activate, man felt like 14years, this coming from a girl who didn’t even want a phone. THAT is how I feel right now. I want to be able to miss Pretoria, I want to be able to call people from my past and go for a drink because I miss them.
I’m so ready to leave, as clueless as I am right now about my future, I just want to leave. Stressed about today’s happenings, slight phases of depression. Can’t say I’m excited to leave, I don’t even know which word to use. So here’s the longest several months of my life. Lord be with me ‘coz I swear I need it.